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Talk:The Life of a Loved One 1: Mona vs. the World/@comment-5008281-20151220000241/@comment-4080028-20151221065712
Thanks for reading and leaving some well rounded constructive criticism there! Much appreciated! Yeah, looking back on it now, I suppose the beginning was kind of slow, huh? Though at the time, it didn't feel that way to me, or at least, not painfully slow to the point of boredom. I suppose I'm getting far too adjusted to the tradition of starting stories off simple and then building up to the climax from there. Maybe someday I should experiment and start off with a bang and THEN try and build from there. Heh, and yeah, the members of the Jolly family have a very strong resmeblance to each other at times, due to the very strong sense of youthfulness the family possesses. Though if you thought Mona was a lot like Chris, then I suppose if and when I get around to revealing his dad, you may be surprised who he really takes after. To sum it up, as Cres and I have come to believe Mona is perhaps the more mature, if not the MOST mature member of the family to date. And that's saying something, after what you've witnessed here. And yeah, sorry for the wordiness; just my personal bad habit of sorts, as can be seen in this comment too. I'd like to discuss why I'm this way, but I suppose this comment isn't the place nor the time for it. Though what confuses me is why you think the action sort of meshes together. Like, I'd just want to pick your brain about it and see how you came to that conclusion is all. Obviously, since I'm the guy that wrote the story, the action looked smooth and clear to me, though I do admit it won't always appear that way to anyone else. I'm also glad to hear it was easy to read, as I'd hate to leave my readers confused, lost or simply unsure of what's even going on. Clarity, to me, is golden, and must be upheld in anything I write (I refer you to my wordiness, as mentioned above.) So as long as you could perfectly picture a scene unfolding in your head, flowing as smoothly as a river would, then I am pleased. And yes, I make no attempts to hide the fact that I was trying to convince people it wasn't Mona. Though that was quite the long shot after I realized I put her name in the story's title; but damn it, I won't accept any compromises. I love the name of the story, so I simply made the most out of the situation, and all things considered, I still love how it turned out, even if it's pretty contrived and obvious. Though I think I'd be even happier if I can surprise people as to why she chose the alias "Lisa" in the first place. There's always a method to my madness after all. And no worries, I don't take it as a personal slam or anything. I simply accept this as you being smarter than I am, and that's fine. Anyway, hope this clears everything up as shortly as I can make it. Thanks again for your review! And thank you for your warm regards! ^_^